Emotions
In today’s podcast I want to talk to you about emotions and how they are the heart of who we are. In this podcast I will use the words emotions, feelings and passions interchangeably.
So, let’s start with what the Church says about emotions?
The Catechism tells us that the human person is ordered to beatitude by his or her deliberate acts: the passions or feelings that are experienced can dispose him or her to it and contribute to it. (CCC1762)
So, our emotions play a role in our holiness.
The catechism also states,
The passions or feelings are natural components of the human psyche; they form the passageway and ensure the connection between the life of the senses and the life of the mind. Our Lord called man’s heart the source from which emotions spring. CCC1764
I love this last line, Our Lord called man’s heart the source from which feelings spring.
Our feelings are the driving force behind all of the actions in our lives. I am referring to the things we do or don’t do. When you collect all of your actions and put them together they create the reality that is your life. So, don’t you think it is important to learn where the source for your emotions comes from?
Many years ago when I was teaching kindergarten, I would spend a week or so teaching about the 5 senses...taste, touch, hear, smell and feel. Our senses are how we experience the outside world. I would incorporate lessons across the curriculum so the students could really understand how their senses impacted their lives. The 5 Senses help us to interpret the world around us. They can warn us of danger, for example...when you feel heat you stop moving closer to the fire to avoid getting burned. The rancid smell of gas or fumes can warn you of danger. Or the delicious smell of fresh baked bread can remind you of home. The 5 senses are crucial to how we experience the world.
Like the Catechism says, our emotions or feelings are the heart of who we are. So, why don’t we spend time educating children or even adults about their emotions?
If you grew up like me, we were discouraged from sharing our emotions. We heard sayings like
Suck it up buttercup!
Don’t be a sissy!
I can give you something to cry about.
Put on your big girl panties and get over it.
Can you relate to these or maybe think of some others? Most of us were never taught how to process emotions.
When I first start to work with clients most of them can’t give a specific name to how they feel. When I ask the question, How do you feel right now? Most give a general answer. I feel good. I am fine. I’m ok.
They aren’t aware of the exact emotion they are experiencing. This is where our work begins. We have to look below the surface and identify the emotion. Once we give it a name then we can explore where it came from and how it impacts our life.
So what is a feeling? Here is a super simple explanation
You have a thought. That thought causes your brain to release chemicals into your body. Those chemicals create a vibration. Your feelings are vibrations in your body. Sounds super simple, right? We are going to dive a little deeper in this podcast.
Many times we think our emotions are created by things that happen to us, words that are said to us or events in the world. All of these influence our emotions because they influence our thoughts, opinions, judgments and views of the world but things outside of us do not create our feelings. When we have a thought about an outside circumstance it creates a feeling.
Now you also have sensations in your body like hunger, thirst, or exhaustion. Those originate in your body and travel your brain. They give your brain a message that your body is in need of something.
When you are disconnected from your body it is easy to get sensations and emotions confused or to not recognize them at all. I am going to share three steps to process your feelings
Step #1 Awareness
To identify an emotion you will need to dig deep and give it a name. I often use an emotion wheel with my clients. I have included a link in the show notes that you can print off.
The feeling wheel allows you to focus on exactly how you feel. Instead of giving a general answer, you can give your feeling a precise name.
We spend so much time living outside of ourselves so we need to get in touch with what is going on inside. At times, We can go through the entire day without any idea of how we feel.
To connect with myself I put my hand on my heart and take a few deep breaths. This helps me to settle myself and to focus on what is going on inside. It is a simple gesture but it grounds me in the present moment.
Once I am present with myself I can begin to identify how I am feeling.
The very first stage is awareness.
Ask these questions….
How do I feel?
Give the feeling a specific or exact name.
Create that connection with yourself.
Step #2 is Presence
Once you identify your feeling, stay with it. Pay attention as it is going on.
We have labeled emotions as good or bad. We live in a world that only wants to feel GOOD and to avoid negative emotions at all cost. When we aren’t willing to experience all of the emotions then we are missing out on all that life has to offer.
We only have to look at the lives of the Saints or even at Jesus himself to see that a full life contains ALL of the emotions. Jesus lived the full human experience with joy and happiness as well as pain and sorrow.
To be present with an emotion means that you are willing to experience the emotion completely.
Be present with the emotion, observe it so that you could describe how it feels in your body.
Describe the feeling with lots of detail. If you have a journal, write down what you are experiencing.
Where do you feel it in your body? Is it in the top of your stomach, can you feel it in your shoulders?
Is it fast or slow? Is it hot or cold? Does it have a color?
The more familiar you are with the feeling...will allow you to connect on a deeper level with yourself.
Step #3 Response
Now that you have an awareness of how you feel and the experience of the feeling in your body it is now time to see how you respond to the feeling.
We’ve learned that your thoughts create your feelings so it is important to know that your feelings drive all of your actions. What you do or don’t do.
Let me share an example.
My emotions really rise to the surface when I am driving in traffic. Recently, I was headed to a doctor’s visit and there was an unusual amount of traffic for the middle of the day. As I was driving in the stop and go traffic, people started switching lanes to get through faster. I started to get irritated. I was thinking
I am going to be late because people don’t know how to drive.
As I was feeling irritated I started complaining, I honked my horn at someone, I quit listening to a podcast because I was so focused on what everyone else was doing wrong, I wouldn’t let people over in front of me, I replayed over and over in my head how other people were terrible drivers.
My actions were not very nice. In that feeling of irritation the results of my actions found plenty evidence that people don’t know how to drive, including myself.
When we experience an emotion it can become a vice or a virtue. We can act in charity or selfishness.
Having an awareness of the feeling, being present and allowing the emotion completely will give you time to determine how you want to act or not act when you feel a certain way.
Remember ...The Catechism tells us that the human person is ordered to beatitude by his or her deliberate acts:
Alright friends, until next time stay happy, healthy and holy!
